daydream /ˈdeɪdriːm/ noun
a series of pleasant thoughts that distract one's attention from the present. "she was lost in a daydream"
Growing up in Thurrock, Essex I had what some would say a turbulent and confusing upbringing. At a glance from the outside it probably looked quite normal, but it was far from the truth and to be honest I do not remember to much of the good times; it seems I have this huge mental block as everything is over shadowed with negativity.
After a lot of reflection and conversations trying to fit together the puzzle it turned out that at the age of around 4/5 I made the decision not to see my real father after sitting in a lawyers office and from that day my mothers husband (lets call him bob) was now my dad. Great! Now I have the same father as my sisters.
Turns out though I had no recollection of being in this lawyers office and it wouldn't be until another 10 years after Bobs affair and a divorce that I discovered that Bob was not my real father and my real father was a face I couldn't remember. It took some time to sink in as to why Bob would always have my sisters at the weekends and not me.
So that guy Bob, my mother and family have been lying over the last 10 years? And that guy Bob has been allowed to beat with a belt nearly everyday, send me to secondary school with a broken cheek bone and nobody has done anything? Not that everything was a lie, but you can imagine the anger, pain and confusion I felt inside at that time, I felt worthless and although my mum tried to give me the love and attention she felt I needed from either of the so called father figures I now entered a stage in my life where I was learning not to give a shit and I had zero trust in family, in the system and in school.
From the age of around 14 I started to hang around with a different group of people and discovered smoking and weed, at the age of 15 I was already playing with LSD and by the time I was 18 ecstasy and cocaine started becoming a normal thing to do at the weekends and before long cocaine was an everyday thing. What I never came to realise was how many nasty people were around this circle of friends and it felt like an everyday battle trying to just get through the day. When I look back at this whole period of my life between the age of 14 to lets say 20 I had zero trust in my friends and although now there is a select few who did me good and I can trust it was still a difficult time for me, I was just a weak lost soul. During this time I was also done with school, it was shit and although I did like geography I still hated school, there was nothing there for me and most of the time I was either listening to my Sony Walkmen or looking out the window daydreaming about leaving this place. I hated the world and the people in it.
Roll on my time to get away and to look at life a bit differently and thanks to my mum for instigating and an invite to Greece. I was set to go to Corfu after an altercation where I was arrested for GBH (Grievous Bodily Harm) and had to change my life. I had three choices, it was either go to prison with the bad boys, get killed on the streets or take myself out of the picture. As you can gather I chose option three and I have rarely looked back since.
Even though my time in Corfu the first time round was just a season, it was here where everything would change my life and how I saw the world and the people in it. From the start I found a place where I could just be myself for the day and everyone was happy to say hello, there was sunshine all day, a beach, the ocean, green everywhere and for the first time in a long time I made solid friends who didn't have an agenda and didn't want to stab me in the back every chance they had. I was still a little wet behind the ears but I had a new life in front of me and after 8 months of being there I stopped doing drugs, hanging out with them so called friends and tried to map out a different life for myself.
"The mind, over stretched by a new idea, never returns to its original dimensions".
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Obviously I will not share every little detail about my previous life at this point, but giving everyone a run down and a little self reflection has now giving me a chance to share with you why daydreaming can be one of the most important things a human can do.
I never expected to go anywhere in life with the circumstance and personal things I went through and at every chance I would shut myself off or hide away in the clouds during any turbulent time in my past, it is here where I could gather my thoughts, stop the pain and hurt or take myself away and cook up some crazy ideas. I remember being called out all the time for staring out the window and I hated it, I mean come on teacher I was just on the moon and you pulled me back to this crap life I have here on Earth, why would you do that?
The point being or the reason I am writing this post, is that over the years daydreaming has been one of the most important things I do, and if it wasn't for these moments in the clouds I wouldn't be here today, although a little luck and taking a chance on the way have helped. It is getting caught up in the dreamworld where a cocktail of thoughts and visions come together that have led me to see the ancient wonders of Machu Picchu; the ruins of Tulum; enjoy picturesque sunsets over the Pacific, Atlantic and Indian oceans; and now I'm sitting here writing, hoping that another daydream comes to fruition. So no matter the circumstances you see yourself in today or what previously happened in the past, carry on looking out that window into the sky because it is in the daydream where you find your answers, it is here where you envision yourself and it is here where what you want from life can start to become a reality.
You think all those at NASA just studied, worked and then built a rocket to take a man to the moon? Obviously they did, but it was someones amazing vision, it was someones crazy idea and it was most definitely someones daydream before the hard work started that got them there.
"There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other".
- Douglas H. Everett
Peace, love, travel and daydream.